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Or do you know what your accountant do in her free time?
After trying to decide if I should say thank you or glare, I realize that the comment is meant to be neither complimentary nor insulting.
(There are several different forms of spanking, including disciplinary, role play, playful, sensual and sexual/erotic; at SSNY parties, participants are encouraged to stay away from sexual and erotic play.) Although a bondage community began flourishing in the '80s, spanking isn't really bondage; though, as one spanko told me, "it could be considered sort of like a gateway drug to it." But those gathered at the SSNY party are, for the most part, like Gary: They aren't so much getting off on having their asses slapped as they are fulfilling a need. "If spanking is sexual, it ruins my head space," Jules tells me a few days after the party.
"It's like if a woman who had a rape fantasy suddenly had a guy going, ' Are you OK? Sex ruins the fantasy, and if it's not 100 percent not sexual, it feels like incest." (At the same time, Jules admits that she fantasizes about being spanked when she masturbates and that she's gotten wet while being spanked.) Still, people do not, for the most part, have sex at the parties, nor do they tend to pair off and have sex afterward. Time and time again, the spankos I interview tell me they were fascinated with spanking from a young age and thought they were alone with this obsession.
"His wife," says the person who tells me about the guy, "knows nothing about it."So what makes some people want to show up on a Saturday night and have their butt whacked?He, like most everyone else here, is uncharacteristically friendly and seems all too happy to talk to me about his passion for spanking."I don't enjoy it the way I enjoy ice cream," he explains. It's necessary more than fun." He, like the others, tells me that you're either into spanking or you're not, and if you are, you know that you are from a very young age.There doesn't appear to be a sign of plastic surgery or a gym-sculpted body in sight -- just the sort of normal-looking folks you might see at the DMV or an airport."In a world where everyone is obsessed with being skinny," someone tells me later, "this is one place where people want big butts over cute little ones."It seems, in fact, that there's only one thing to be ashamed of in this environment, and that's being someone without a kink -- a vanilla.